Sympathy for the devil

There's an old joke about a cricket match between heaven and hell, with God and Lucifer discussing the prospects 

'We're bound to win' said God. 'I've got a team for the ages. Trumper, Hobbs, Bradman, Ranji, Woolley..such a strong squad'.

The Devil smiled

'That may well be' he said. 'But I have all the umpires...'

I have no intention of offending any of the worthy men that used to wear long white coats and are now more snazzily attired, nor am I suggesting that this was the rationale behind the Rolling Stones track of the same title as this article.

But as the years pass, I have more sympathy for umpires and especially at county level, where they don't have the benefit of replays yet are under increasing pressure. Not least from too many players for who an erstwhile quizzical 'Howzat' is now replaced by an insistent and often unbecoming street party, akin to those at the end of World Wars.  

Old George could have done with replays years ago, when he gave me out caught down the leg side in the first over, when I had barely moved from my stance. It was a red hot day and I fancied a few runs on a lovely pitch. It was down the leg side, a clear wide and only the bowler appealed, perhaps attempting to inject a little humour into proceedings. He looked embarrassed when the finger went up, though I wasn't recalled.

Later I asked George how he came to his decision. 

'I thought I heard something'

'But did you see I had barely moved and it should in fact have been a wide?'

'To be honest, I wasn't looking, I was checking for the ball counter in me pocket...can I buy you a beer?'

Cheers, George. Anyway, the reason for this piece is that there have been a few contentious decisions in recent games. Loud shouts for caught behind, insistence from bowlers and fielders alike on lbws (including those at square leg and we all know they have the best view..) I have seen a few given and a few not given. Some have been right, some have been wrong. 

But the only way you can confirm what's what is if quality replays and Hawkeye were introduced to the county game. Would we really want that and the delays that it brings? I am no fan of VAR in football and firmly believe that if they cannot disprove a goal in the ten seconds from when it goes in, it should stand. It kills the game and ruins celebration of goals at club level. If someone is clearly offside it will show up, but if it is the hem of a shirt, it makes a mockery of the sport.

Umpiring is a really tough gig and I applaud those who do it at county standard and above, as they really are the creme de la creme. Yet they are human and as humans they are fallible. It takes a lot of courage to say 'no' when eleven people are screaming 'yes', the bowler already at short third man in his 'celebrappeal' (which I hate, by the way). Not having a go at anyone, but what if the umpire had thought differently when George Scrimshaw finally missed one yesterday? You see it countless times and on most occasions it makes an unedifying spectacle. 

It is a thing that irks me with the modern game. How can square leg and point seriously appeal for lbw? You genuinely have no idea, but it applies pressure. I recall asking an opposition skipper if he wanted guard from behind the stumps or mid on, where he had spent our innings appealing for anything that travelled 22 yards and didn't hit the bat. It was one of those games, perhaps a little petty, but it offended my sense of fair play in the sport.

It is easy to watch the slowed down replays on streams and say that he/she got that one wrong. Yet viewing a ball bowled at maybe 80/90mph and gauging the point of impact with the naked eye, while all the time considering the nuances of the laws of the game can never be an exact science.

I tend to take the view that things normally even out over the course of the season. Maybe the umpire realises later that he made a mistake and he gives you the benefit the next time. Or perhaps he just has an off day in an otherwise flawless summer. Maybe, as Bill Bestwick did with the young Denis Compton, he gave him out because he was in urgent need of the toilet...

Anyway, they deserve credit and respect for a tough job done to the best of their ability. It is easy to call foul on seeing the replay and realise it pitched outside the line, or was sliding down leg. You will perhaps lose a game on a bad decision, but you will almost certainly win them too. When you have watched and played it for sixty years, you might have a sizeable file of examples.

Accept the rough with the smooth and the stress won't kill you and your enjoyment level will increase. 

Mind you, try as I might I don't recall Old George ever giving me the benefit.

We were never convinced he could see 22 yards, anyway.