Regular readers will know that I am always honest and err on the side of positivity with Derbyshire County Cricket Club. In life, for that matter, as those who know me best will testify.
But for the first time in a long while I am struggling with the club's playing direction.
There are a few too many things happening that I don't understand and it hurts to say it. But it needs said.
We just don't seem to have clarity and consistency in team selection and individual roles within the team.
As a long-time supporter, whose personal fifty in support of the cause was met with only a smattering of applause four years back, I was hurt by the lack of fight against Nottinghamshire. The only resistance came from Fynn Hudson-Prentice with the ball, Ben Aitchison in an all-round capacity and Tom Wood with the bat in the second innings.
Come the next match, almost a fortnight later, the latter two aren't in the side. Aitchison, top of the bowling averages, is playing in the seconds, so is hardly being rested, as is Wood.
Alex Hughes, a good servant to the county over many years, comes into the side and is batting nine, then sent in as night watchman in the first innings. I am not sure what message that is sending out to Alex, in his first senior appearance of the summer, but it is not a positive one.
I expected him to bat three, but Brooke Guest did, making a good fist of it despite previously batting eight. Anuj Dal was previously three, having been eight last year, but like Tom Wood was dropped after just two matches.
Surely we would get more from players if we told them they would get the next four matches, regardless of performance, taking a bit of pressure off them? If they were given a role in the side and were able to grow into it? Players from the Eddie Barlow era who were finding their way into the game have told me that he would take them aside and promise them 'the next five games'. It helped them to relax and to establish themselves, as well as do what came naturally.
The psychology of a batting position is important. If you are batting in the top three, you are getting your head right when the ninth wicket pair are in for the opposition. It is a totally different mindset from batting eight, because batting three you could be facing the second ball of the innings. It must be difficult to constantly adjust.
I don't think the tinkering is doing fringe players much good at all and I can't appreciate the current rationale.
Nor do I think the noises coming from the club about 'Big Bad Billy Stanlake' are doing club nor player any favours.
I hope Billy goes on to be a star turn in T20, but his debut, for me, was pretty awful. It should be said, however, that we probably shouldn't expect too much from a bloke who has a personal best bowling performance in four-day cricket of 3-50, which isn't as good as that of Alex Hughes. He only has twenty-three first-class wickets, at the age of 26, the same number as Sam Conners, only eight more than Ben Aitchison.
I know he has been signed primarily for T20, but his effort was disappointing. I could see heads dropping with each aborted run up at Chelmsford and I was also disappointed by his last afternoon slog to get out. Had that, for example, been Sam Conners, he would have blocked it out and kept Alex Hughes company as we approached the last twenty overs, made them work for a win, made them sweat. We weren't far from parity and with a man at the other end with six first-class centuries to his name, surely he could have battled? It suggested, rightly or wrongly, that he didn't care and that concerns me.
Likewise our other overseas player, Dustin Melton only has ten first-class wickets. I understand why he is in the role, as it allows him to qualify as a local for another year, but you can't escape from the fact that our two overseas bowlers have a combined first-class wicket tally of 33. That when they are leading a young and inexperienced attack.
I fear for the future of county cricket as we know it and the slapdash efforts of the last two games need to be isolated incidences. Because if the powers that be start to cull counties, they will look at us as a prime candidate.
Why? Because on a relatively small staff we have a lot of players who qualify to play here but are not 'English' options. For all his brilliance, Wayne Madsen has never been seen as such, so why would Cohen, du Plooy and Melton be different in their eyes? Add in Stanlake and McDermott and around a third of our squad is unlikely to play for England. We aren't alone in this regard but other culprits are perhaps less vulnerable, less obvious.
Last week I mentioned that we could play Stanlake, Cohen and Melton for our fastest attack in years. But I was wrong. We can't, because it would impact severely on the money we get from the ECB. Far better to play Conners and Aitchison, young bowlers who just might kick on, rather than omit both of them.
Better still, in my humble opinion, to have retained either Tony Palladino or Ravi Rampaul to help these youngsters through the tough times. I am prepared to be shot down on this, but Tony Palladino could nick you a couple of new ball wickets then, if the batsmen got going later, come on to keep it tight, going for under three an over. At present, when things go wrong we haemorrhage runs, as the nous to rein it in is rarely given to the young.
If he wasn't playing, Tony could have been skippering the seconds and working with the Academy boys there. I am sure he could have taught Nick Potts a lot. As it is, our second team skipper is an Australian grade cricketer. No disrespect to him, but I don't follow the succession planning in that one.
It is all very messy. I thought so from the point we didn't push on in the third afternoon against Worcestershire and declare overnight. Nothing has changed my mind since. For all the protestations that the draw points are important - and they are too high this season - there was a chance to make a statement. We didn't do it. We might have lost, but we could have won.
I also think the struggles of Luis Reece are obvious and he needs a breather before the T20. I love Luis as a player and a man but the 'nip' isn't there in his bowling and perhaps the lack of confidence in his body is reflecting in his batting too. I have no idea how he does both, but the time is right for a rest from one, likely the bowling, to sort what appears to me a very obvious injury.
I don't expect Dave Houghton to read this, nor do I profess to know more about first - class cricket than a bloke who is rightly revered within the game. But my concerns are for MY county and its future at the top table of English cricket.
I hope that he addresses some of these puzzles. If they are baffling me, they are doing the same to others and we need to get the season back on track before it careers over the mountainside and ends up in an ugly heap at the bottom.
