I'm not, based on that title, going to be doing my best Andy Williams impression. Like most of you, I don't really feel like singing this morning.
Unless it is on an old fashioned 'sticky dog' pitch - and you won't get those, these days - a first class cricket team should not be bowled out in 154 balls. Of course the Durham bowling was excellent and when the four protagonists all have international experience it was always likely to be tough. But once again, in a situation where Derbyshire backs were against the wall, they crumbled.
I should say straight away that I haven't published all of the comments I received yesterday and overnight. Some crossed a line and were omitted accordingly, some made no sense to put in a public domain with MY name on the blog that published them. Derbyshire cannot 'sack' the Chief Executive, board members AND Head of Cricket, because they would then be put under emergency measures, a club in crisis. I have no doubt the ECB would love to reduce the first-class counties and we can't give them easy targets.
On the cricket field, they are in crisis of course. It doesn't seem too long since everyone enjoyed red ball success and were looking forward to the remainder of the season. That win over Lancashire at Chesterfield, the ones over Middlesex at Lord's and Northamptonshire at Derby - they played really good cricket and reaped the rewards.
Then came white ball and disappointment. Narrow defeats, bad defeats, unexpected defeats, unbelievable defeats. Defeats. Too many of them.
I didn't expect Derbyshire to beat Durham, but I did expect them to put up a semblance of resistance. It wasn't an easy pitch for batting, but then how often have we seen batting averages artificially massaged by moribund tracks at Derby in recent years? They should have tried uncovered pitches, or facing the relentless quicks of the 70s and 80s. Facing Garth le Roux and Imran Khan at Hove was no picnic, nor was facing Malcolm Marshall or Andy Roberts anywhere.
Mickey Arthur looked drained in his post-match interview. I have no doubt that he wants success at Derbyshire and has worked very hard to put something in place that he felt would work. He is a proud man and it is that pride that I feel would stop him from going to the board and saying 'I cannot do this any more'. He referred to 'giving the players all the information' and one has to question if they are being overloaded with it, if we are building opponents into something they are not.
Certainly, when up against teams with big name players, the tendency to play the name rather than the delivery coming down is a recurring theme. Maybe there needs to be greater focus on OUR strengths rather than theirs? On what they will be worried about, on sending our guys onto the pitch feeling like the master race, rather than lesser mortals?
I recall the story of Dave Mackay, sitting next to a visibly nervous John O'Hare on the Derby County team bus for a big game.
'See that fella there? He just asked his mate who that was, sitting next to John O'Hare', said the Derby skipper to the youngster. Boosting his confidence in one sentence.
I don't know, I'm not privy to dressing room secrets. But one has to ask how Darren Lehmann has made Northamptonshire so good this year? How has Richard Dawson got far more than the sum of its individual parts from Glamorgan? How has Paul Farbrace got his Sussex side to ignore the off-field shenanigans and be both very competitive and entertaining? They don't have all-international attacks or all-star batting lineups, but they have eleven players who rock up, roll up their sleeves and battle. The mentality is right.
I accept that Mickey Arthur has been unlucky with injuries, but has the 'loading' off season been right, to lose so many bowling options? He hasn't had a great deal of support from his overseas choices, although I do understand why Caleb Jewell got another deal on the back of 2025 and why we signed the 'guaranteed wickets until he donned a Derbyshire shirt' Mohammad Abbas.
But WHY have they failed? What is there in the environment that isn't working? You look at the bowlers and Aitchison, Haydon, Potts, Bashir and Morley have all improved year on year, maybe on the back of a fresh voice in their ear. Although still one questions having two non-batting spinners on the staff, when they will likely play together once every couple of years, if that. A luxury that a club like Derbyshire cannot afford, especially if Bashir loses his central contract. With the budget, can the club afford players who are clearly only single-format options? We have a few of them.
The batters? I am not having a go at Ben Smith, acknowledged as a good coach, but aside from Martin Andersson and Nye Donald, who among our batters has got better? Is another new voice needed, or is the pressure exuded from the top unhelpful?
Mickey can't help himself in interviews. Whether they are 'entertainment machines' playing 'sexy cricket', or yesterday claiming we are still in contention for promotion. Technically yes, but we had lost four matches, now five. Promotion candidates don't usually do that and both Kent and Northamptonshire should be well clear of Derbyshire by the end of today.
'We've learned what the standards are..the gulf between us and them is massive...we are still in the hunt...'
Are we? Don't such conflicting assertions pile on pressure? Why not take it a game at a time, see how it lands? Talk promotion in September but accept the reality that we are, at best, a mid-table side right now, especially with the injuries and the overseas challenges. If I can see that, surely the players can?
I have had a few people ask me if a club like Derbyshire needs a batting coach AND a bowling coach AND an analyst AND someone 'being strategic' and doing team talks? It does seem top heavy, an elite structure when not necessarily required. Phil Russell had no one and did pretty well. Surely there is a middle ground?
They are in a pickle, one of their own making. To reward five years of mediocrity with a two-year extension was staggering, but from this distance, unless Mickey Arthur does the honourable thing and admits he has gone as far as he can and will leave, there appears no way out.
They can't afford to pay off those two years AND have the resources to change things. Maybe that's a bullet worth biting, because as things stand I don't see improvement in that period anyway. Maybe, just maybe, a different voice, ethos, mentality might help? Appoint from within, take out a coaching tier/role for two years and then review?
There are potentially winnable games in the remainder of the red ball season but they will play Middlesex without Brett Randell, who will miss at least the next seven days under concussion protocols. Hopefully he recovers quickly from that nasty blow yesterday, but supporters have taken a few themselves. I don't do social media, other than this and X, but I understand that even the usually more restrained are struggling.
My concern, from my ever-growing mailbag, is that in two years time the already small membership has dwindled still further. That supporters already disenchanted by the fixture scheduling will vote with their feet and find other interests. That 'doing nothing' was seen as the clearest possible acceptance of mediocrity.
There is no easy answer here. But doing nothing is the least palatable option. I know what 'Derbyshire's Mickey Arthur' brings to the club, that he has a seat at the top table, that he has lots of contacts, that players want to play for Mickey Arthur, et cetera, et cetera.
But after FIVE seasons of mediocrity, two more of the same is not something to whet many appetites.
A change of luck will help. Better overseas input would go a long way. He needs a gun overseas bat for 2027 and beyond, an all rounder for T20. Match winners, guys with the right mentality and the appetite for the battle.
But even positive old me, sixty years a supporter, nineteen years a blogger, struggles to see things slowly start to improve, unless there is an acceptance of the need to shake things up and start things off.